The
I so desperately
wanted to get into research I mean I’d managed to get my first class honours, I
had my legacy from Great Aunt Mildred but I knew it still wasn’t enough, I
needed an edge. I mean to say these days
with all the new rules and laws about animals being used for research purposes
the number of research projects involving animals was way down.
I’d talked it
through with Jennifer over a bottle of wine and she’d suggested that if I could
find an unclaimed island I could claim it and run it under my own set of
laws. You can tell Jennifer is studying
to be a lawyer can’t you. It didn’t seem
such a crazy idea half way down the bottle so we got Google earth out and
searched away through the satellite pictures.
Eventually we found one. About
100 miles off the coast and no one seemed to have claimed it.
I texted Dave
and arranged to borrow his ultra light sea plane with its extra highly illegal
14 gallon long range fuel tank and flew to the island. I mean thank God for GPS, planted a flag and
a small plastic plaque saying I claimed the island for New Mercia. Came home and let
Jennifer sort out the paperwork.
When I heard a
whisper that there was a research project that wanted to use white mice going
on I met the researcher and quickly found out that the project was to do with
transporting white mice by analysing their body then reconstructing the body
from their DNA. I mean it sounds crazy
but all the molecules basically have huge amounts of space in them so if you
could just shoot the electrons and things down a wire you could transport mice
several inches. Well after Dr. Eiraku found out I could do the animal experiment part
without any restriction I was on the project, temporary position of course,
with six months funding that could be extended.
Not immediately but just as soon as the funding came through from the cancer
research charity say two months. Cancer research? Well they have almost too much money and I
suppose we might turn up something relevant besides you don’t look a gift horse
in the mouth. The salary was what I
expected, the pits, but if I was living on the island I could manage and it was
experience in research.
I went and
talked it through with Jennifer. “I’m
almost broke, we’ve spent most of Great Aunt Mildred’s money and I’ve got to
live for the next three months before I get any salary and that’s practically
nothing.” “Well I suppose as head of
state for New Mercia you could always raid the post office.” I looked blankly at her. She pulled out a glossy magazine and showed
me a full page colour advert for personalised First Day Covers of the full New
Mercia definitives for only $150 or personally signed on the back by the post
master general $350. I looked at her
blankly. “I invested some of your Great
Aunt’s funds.” “God it must have cost
the earth and where do we get the stamps and New Mercia’s post office?” “Well I did a deal with Canada Post
Philatelic’s section, they’re handling the design,
security printing and so forth for 10% of the sales. We get bundled pre-printed envelopes, a
franking machine all in water proof boxes to take out to the island and frank
them. Then we have to bulk ship them to
I contacted Dr.
Eiraku and announced I’d got an initial $500,000
government funding from the New Mercia government so perhaps we could assemble
the lab I’d need for the testing without waiting for the charity to say OK. We set up the scanners and so forth in three
20 foot converted containers. We had
plenty of room so we saved time and money by converting two standard commercial
8 foot long flatbed precision laser cutters to be the scanner and the
receiver. It seemed easier than trying
to build a miniaturised scanner just for mice.
Besides which I wouldn’t be able to cope with a temperamental
experimental design, it sort of had to work first time and be reliable with
just me on the island so the laser cutter stuff being high precision seemed to
fit the bill. Now all I needed to do was
to arrange transport.
Dressed in
student jeans and my naval foul weather jacket I slipped into the quay side pub
and every one stopped talking. I asked
the landlord if he could use a barmaid for a day or two over the regatta
period. He nodded and the pub came to
life again. A day or two later I found
what I was looking for. Four fishermen who came into together and sat down and nursed their
beers. “Well that’s it now lads
until next year we’ve caught our quota.”
It was quiet in the pub so I wandered over to them with my chart of the
island and asked them what the fishing was like there. “Well it’s a bit far out with the cost of
diesel but it’s not bad fishing on the far side of the island. There be a few shallows where the cold water
comes up and meets the warm surface waters, but that there be quota territory and
there be a new rule about fishing the island right now pasted up at the habour master’s office.”
“Could you get me three 20 foot containers out to the island?” “Setting up a research base camp or
something? Could do if
it was worth our while.” We
settled on filling the boat with diesel and a year’s unrestricted access to the
island’s fishing grounds provided they dropped me in supplies twice a
month.
I went with
them to the habour master’s office to register their
right to land fish from the island’s fishing grounds. Then we filled up the boat with 43 metric tons
of diesel on my gas card much to the amazement of the pump attendant. I was beginning to think it would be cheaper
to use UPS overnight. I did the green
thingy and ordered them one of the Skysails thingies and two new sets of larger
mesh nets for their fishing boat on my laptop via the internet. Well I didn’t want to feel guilty about them
catching fish that hadn’t fully grown. Once
they had a full tank of gas they seemed much more cheerful and although they
were doubtful at first about the idea of wind power since it was free they
seemed happy. Sam, who worked as a
builder during the quiet period as he put it, dreamed up the idea of putting a
roof over my containers and mentioned he knew of a couple of wind turbines that
might be for sale as the owners hadn’t checked the city bylaws before buying
them.
He took me down
to the local builder’s yard, container depot and we purchased a few extra bits here
and there including two more flat containers with collapsible ends and the
cutest little truck called a Haflinger that had a hen house on the back. Sam thought it would be ideal for the island
and after he’d pointed out to the container yard owner about how much space it
was taking up and how much it would cost to get a safety check on it he cut a
deal whereby I got it for free in return for the island’s grazing rights for
the owner’s flock of sheep that Sam would return in the fall. Sam got half a dozen hens thrown in as
well. I wasn’t sure about the hens and I
was beginning to get a bit worried about spending all the money but Sam assured
me they were a good idea and I thought of my first day covers and hoped it
would cover the costs.
We set off in
calm seas with the decks buried in containers, 90 foot long roofing tresses,
bleating sheep and all manner of things that they thought would be useful. We took our time getting to the island to
save fuel. Once there I realised we had
nothing to lift the containers off but that didn’t seem to bother them. It didn’t bother the hens and sheep either as
they were tossed off the boat they ran scrambling up the island exploring their
new home. A couple of stakes were sledge
hammered into the ground either side of the inlet, wire cables were slung and
the boat’s winch started up. Once the
first container was unloaded and opened I unpacked the Honda generator, the
water proof New Mercia Post office boxes, and started the franking machine.
After four days
I’d franked all the first day covers and the
The first few
days on the island were quite restful after all the hectic rushing around I’d
been doing. I went for a walk across the
island to the far side and I thought I was inspecting the puffin colony, they
thought they were inspecting me. As I
walked away I glanced over my shoulder and found they were strung out in single
file trailing behind me as if I was a tall puffin who knew where I was
going. The lads dropped me off a box or
two of frozen fish on the way back which I dumped in the freezer. I opened up the lab containers and made sure
the white mice were doing well. Then I
started the experiments. Slowly I fully
examined and photographed the first mouse and weighed it. Then I started the equipment up and placed a
sleeping Simon mouse on the scanner and retreated behind the steel wall and
simply test scanned him. I wanted to
bring across not only the DNA information but also to transfer any
antibodies. Without them to protect the
mouse it might die of infection quite quickly.
It took me two weeks before I believed I’d isolated them. I started up the machine once more, ten
minutes later the machine had stopped so I peeped in to the receiver to see a
sleeping Simon mouse but he looked different some how. I rescued him and carefully placed him in his
cage. I examined him very closely for
week but he seemed fit and healthy and no worse for his adventure in fact if
anything he was better. I eventually
worked out he no longer had the bit of ear missing he’d had before being
transported.
I reported back
my success by email. I started to send
more mice recording their weight appetite etc. before and after. I was beginning to see data patterns in
different mice with the same length whiskers etc. This was definitely working but the sheer
volume of data needed meant it wasn’t going to be a way to transport people instead
of aircraft which I think Dr. Eiraku had been hoping
for but there was still reams of research data I could
publish. I even tried a hen followed by sheep
or two when they showed signs of curiosity.
Jennifer’s
email caught me totally unprepared. I
knew she had an elder brother Tony in the Special Forces but he’d been caught
up in the explosion from a suicide bomber and been very badly hurt. He hadn’t wanted to worry anyone so hadn’t
said anything it was only when Jennifer dropped into see him unexpectedly and
found him in hospital minus legs, hands and blinded in one eye that she’d found
out. I picked up the satellite phone and
called her mobile. She was
distraught. Tony wanted out, he didn’t want to live anymore. She didn’t know what to do. She hated to see him suffering and he didn’t
want to spend his life in a wheel chair.
She was thinking of taking him to
I asked her to
bring him to me first. I had something
that might work and if it didn’t make a difference I’d help him throw himself
and the wheelchair over the island’s cliff.
I called Sam and asked him to wait at the harbour and bring Jennifer and
Tony out to me when they arrived on the fishing boat. They hoisted Tony in his electric wheel chair
ashore and left us to it. I didn’t blame
them he wasn’t a pretty sight. Jennifer
and I sort of struggled to get him onto the Haflinger and thence up to the
bungalow with the promise of a bottle of scotch. He really seemed to have lost the will to
live. I told them of Simon mouse and his
mended ear and said I couldn’t promise anything but it might be worth a
try. Tony shrugged “Well I might as well
be of use to some one. What have I to
lose, there’s always the cliff when it doesn’t work.”
We rolled him
onto the scanner bed and I raised the scanner so it would clear him. I asked Jennifer how much he used to weigh
and saw how much lighter he was at the moment.
I took a bag of frozen pork chops from the freezer and dropped them on
the end of the scanner to make up the difference in weight. We retreated and I press the start
button. Ten minutes later we peeked into
the other side. Tony had travelled the
two inches separating the devices and looked to be sleeping peacefully.
“Has he gone?”
asked Jennifer peering over my shoulder at his naked body. “No the mice always seem to be asleep when
they transfer.” Mind you I’d usually
given them something to help them sleep first.
“Let’s see if there is a pulse.”
There was one. Jennifer and I
exchanged glances and I let my breath out.
I hadn’t even realised I’d been holding it with relief. “Tony Mathews get up out of bed this
instant! Just what do you think you’re
doing lying in bed at this time of day!”
“Oh hi Sis. Did it work?” He held his arm up so we could inspect his
fingers as he flexed them. “My god it’s
all back to normal.” We wept and cried
then broke open my medicinal bottle of Scotch.
Jennifer
insisted that Tony sit in the wheel chair for the trip back when the fishing
boat came by on the return trip. We
could see them coming for miles with their new para-glide
type sail hovering overhead.
I went back to
my experiments as I transported more mice so statistical information was
building up. Within a week I’d managed
to isolate the bit of DNA that controlled the length of a mouse’s whiskers and
by manipulating the software I could increase or decrease the whisker length by
a few millimetres. I really felt I was getting somewhere so to celebrate I gave
myself the morning off to sunbathe on the beach only to have my siesta
disturbed by a fishing boat’s inflatable coming into shore.
Oh dear animal
activists? Perhaps I should have taken
Jennifer’s advice and had a gun with me to scare them off. Best see what they were after I suppose well
after all mother had always taught me to be polite to visitors so I raised
myself and invited them in for a coffee.
They were a BBC television camera crew out looking for some sort of fish
event that happened once a year on the north side of the island. Could they have permission to film? Why not. They had an ultra light plane they used to
search out the waters to the north and seemed to be completely self-contained
apart from swapping survival rations with me.
It seemed that after months of eating the same food even my dried
curried chicken just add water was exotic.
They traded me dried stew just add boiling water which I thought was
great as I was getting tired of curried chicken. I boiled them an egg each for tea one day as
well. I would have liked to offer them
fresh bread but after three attempts with the bread maker when I’d first
arrived I’d given up.
A few days
later a helicopter approached the island.
I naively had thought an island 100 miles off the nearest coast would be
quiet and I could get on with a bit of research. Perhaps I should open up a tea room or a
small café as a side line?
As the
helicopter blades slowed down a man a little older than my dad and a woman in
military uniform jumped out and dashed across to me.
They accepted a
mug of coffee with whitener and sugar and the man with pips on his shoulder
mentioned that one of the men in his command was a certain Tony Mathews who on
the morning that he was expected to be discharged on medical grounds had
confounded every one by successfully completing the joint force fitness test to
prove he was fit for duty. Oh dear I
hadn’t thought of that. I wasn’t a
qualified medical practitioner was I? I
mentioned the weather was particularly mild this year. “Nurse Nichols here examined him and apart
from his missing fillings she mentioned she couldn’t recall any one recovering
quite so well from the type of injuries that he had before and wondered if we
might ask you to look at her cousin to see if anything could be done.”
“Tony was a
very special case. He was suicidal and
knew the risks involved. I’d not a
trained doctor, the limb regeneration was a side effect to some research work
I’m doing with a new transport system to move mice a few centimetres. It really isn’t designed to heal injured
soldiers.” The nurse spoke up. “Could we at least try? He’s here in the helicopter.” Reluctantly I nodded “But first let me
explain it’s extremely risky as its only been done with a human being once
before.” Before I could blink they had
dashed back to the helicopter and with the aid of the pilot brought a stretcher
complete with drip tubes out from the cabin.
He really
should have been in intensive care. He
was in a coma and no way was he able to give his consent to anything. I looked doubtful. “I have a blank consent form signed by his
parents and he is my cousin. As you can
see his chances at the moment are not good.”
We lifted him onto the scanner bed and I crossed my fingers. “How much did he weigh before and what does
he weigh now?” I asked as I looked at
the scale on the bed mentally subtracting the weight of the drip tube etc. I threw a few frozen fish on the end of the
bed and we retreated behind the steel wall and started the process. Ten minutes later I looked in the scanner bed
to see a mass of plastic tubing and metal clamps. I looked in the other bed, one apparently
asleep soldier.
“Hi Morgan
common wake up, it’s Vicky. Are you
feeling any better?” I was just a bundle
of nerves and slipped out to recover.
I liked Morgan as
soon as he wandered in with a towel round his waist. “Just my luck a lovely young lady fancies
using my body and I was in no condition to say yes. If ever you want to borrow my body again I’ll
make it available to you any time you like.” He grinned and I grinned
back. “Still it looks in lovely
condition now whatever you did to it. I
know I wasn’t looking after it. Vicki
had warned me I’d come to a sticky end kicking cans around by the side of the
road. Still I’ll know not to do it again
won’t I?” He had a lovely lilting accent
which Vicki told me later was Welsh.
He’d come over as a teenager with his parents and retained his accent.
The officer had
followed him into the room and took a document form his brief case. “I’d never have believed it if I hadn’t seen
it with my own eyes. I’d like to send
some more men and I’m willing to pay $500,000 per treatment.” “I’m sorry but I’m not in the business of
treating wounded soldiers just transmitting white mice from one place to
another.” “It costs $2,000,000 to train
one of my specialists. The only way we
managed to get effective body armour past the accountants was showing them how
much fifty years of inflation proofed disability pension cost. At least let me show my gratitude by lending
you a few combat engineers who are eating their heads off doing nothing at
headquarters to build you a quay. I have
here a briefing note saying you own the fishing rights for 200 miles but have
no method of enforcement. Since we
spotted two fishing boats on the way here perhaps I could lend you a couple of
marines as well.” It seemed the only way
out was to accept his offer. Vicki asked
to stay as well, just in case I cut my finger as she put it so I put her in the
guest container with its own double bed.
Vicki and I got
on really well. We both had medical
backgrounds and we soon isolated the bit of DNA that was responsible for the
tail. It was fun having some one else to
talk to and to share the cooking. Well I
didn’t really cook just threw a few things in the microwave or filled the slow
pot up occasionally, most of the time I had been just adding boiling water to
the freeze dried chicken things, it’s not worth doing that much effort for
one. Vicki could cook, not only that but
she could work the bread maker, and knew of other things to do with eggs than
simply boil them so we and the BBC film crew dined in style.
A few days
later a twin engined military plane landed on the beach and unloaded a rather
motley collection of injured soldiers mostly on stretchers with hi tech
monitors fastened to the stretchers over the patients. Vicki creased herself with laughter. “I think the general has just sent you his
combat engineers who were doing nothing at HQ.” A weary looking officer was with them his right
hand had been replaced by a hook. Vicki
nudged me “This one’s a captain combat engineer.” I looked at him he didn’t look very different
to any of the others to me. “Captain Simon
Mathews reporting madam, the general has given me an ambitious list of projects
to do and rather limited resources to do them, something about assisting with a
new experimental transport system.
However if possible I’d like to get my men under cover.” The aircraft was taxiing away down the
beach. I shrugged and looked at Vicki
“Well first things first. You’d better
come with me and Vicki can see if she can get one of the others on crutches up
to the bungalow.” I got him to lie down
on the scanner and gave him a consent form to sign which said he consented to
anything and would divulge nothing. He
raised his eyebrows then signed. I
retreated and pushed the button. Once we
had the captain done and the first man on crutches the rest was easy they at
least could transport the stretchers on the back of the Haflinger to the lab. We sent the next one done to the beach to look
for any bones he could find.
Mind you I got
a bit behind with my mice. It took us
hours and hours to process all the soldiers.
The aircraft returned and unloaded a fierce looking cross country fork
lift truck. A boy toy as Vicki called
it. Still Captain Mathews used it to
unload a few pallets of supplies from inside the plane.
We did the more
serious looking patients first and left the two cute looking ones until
last. Well it was Vicki’s idea, if we could make a mouse’s tail longer then we should
be able to enhance the giggle sticks of the two cutest guys. “Just think two really cute guys certified no
STDs what more could a girl want?” “Three dozen?” I
giggled back. “If it goes wrong we could
always put them through again.” We
measured where everyone’s hips went on the scanner so we had a rough idea where
to look on the DNA scan.
Needless to say
we ran out of frozen fish for the last two but we still had a couple of bags of
bleached bones from the beach. In the
end I got Vicki to put me and Henry through the scanner together and set the
dials for me to lose ten pounds. Vicki
wanted to add an inch on the length but I decided to go for width. Then I put Vicki through with her cute guy
with a ten pound weight lose as well. It
was late by the time we had finished and there were sleeping bodies
everywhere. I mean to say the bungalow
just wasn’t built to accommodate three dozen extra guests when it was raining
outside and there wasn’t a spare inch of floor left so Vicki and I were
terribly noble and led the last two patients back to our own double beds.
Next morning I brushed
my hand lightly over his early morning erection. It was bliss nothing was too good for
me. Once he’d got the idea that his
attentions were more than welcome his head dived between my legs and his tongue
slowly licked its way up my thighs, far too slowly for my liking for my
immediate needs. I moved his hand up
over my breast and squeezed my hand down on top so he got the idea of what I
liked. I’ve no idea what he was like
before but afterwards he just stretched me to perfection. I wondered if it was really him or molecules
from me that had been inside me.
Vicki entered
carrying a mug of coffee and dismissed Henry.
“Did you know that it’s St. Swithin’s day today besides being your
birthday and I’ve been reading up about the history of New Mercia.” I looked doubtful New Mercia had a history of
more than a few weeks? “Apparently it’s
an old tradition that on St. Swithin’s day all the Queen’s male subjects come
bearing posies and give the Queen a really good shagging.” I looked at Vicki. “Well I want to run a few tests on these
solders to see if they are really fit or not.
Normally I’d run the heart test by getting them to ride an exercise
bicycle first then measure their pulse and so forth as they go. But we don’t have an exercise bicycle and since
it’s St. Swithin’s day and your birthday I thought I’d let them ride you
instead. Ever had thirty six fit active
men one after the other before? I’ve got
plenty of lubricant and it would be in the cause of scientific research.” I didn’t blurt out NO!
fast enough as she opened the door and in trailed
three stark naked soldiers all holding posies of native flowers. The first one in the bedroom with his erect
erection looked terribly shy. He looked
so sweet and besides it wasn’t everyday that someone brought me flowers. “Why so many of you at
once?” I asked.
“Well miss we
wanted to make certain you were well and truly satisfied.” Answered the first,
“We talked it over and we thought like if we worked together in teams to help
you relax first and you told us which bits of you needed the most attention
we’d stand more chance of satisfying you.”
I raised an eyebrow and looked disbelievingly at the last and youngest
soldier. “Besides Captain Matthews said
he’d send anyone who didn’t give full satisfaction on a month’s workshop on
poetry appreciation and you couldn’t wish that on any engineer now could you
miss?” I laughed aloud at the thought of
a group of engineers being sent on a poetry workshop. “You poor boys, we don’t have any choice then
do we but to try and save you from a fate worse than death.”
I mean I’d
always been self sufficient in that all I had to do was relax and think erotic
thoughts and so long as I wasn’t distracted I could think myself to a climax on
thoughts alone, I wouldn’t need to fake an organism here at all and the boys in
green needn’t know it wasn’t them doing all the work. What would be the most powerful thought to
start? I imagined I was lying back in
bed I’d have that tall dark one behind me gently caressing my shoulders,
perhaps one for each foot nibbling my big toes and giving me a foot massage, I
could almost feel a caress on my calf as a pair of hands drifted very slowly up
for my ankles, perhaps another pair of lips on each of my breasts suckling at
my nipples? A gentle breath at the top
of my thighs, and ever so gently a tongue licking along side my clitoris just
as I liked it most, Oh my I could feel it building up inside, I opened my eyes
just so I’d know that some one was doing something when it hit so they could
take the credit. There were heads
bobbing up and down everywhere, I wasn’t just imagining things at all, then the
first big O hit me. I was basking in all
this masculine attention, I felt relaxed, safe and protected, I could feel my
insides turning to mush again I was coming once more, the second big O came
more quickly, the third sort of added onto the end, and my body just kept rolling
alone into one continuous big O that went on and on and on. I had the vague feeling that people were
getting up and being replaced but the stimulus from everywhere at once was too
much for me to take much notice.
Vicki appeared
and wiped my brow, “Just one left Captain Simon Matthews himself.” I felt a mess, I felt exhausted, my body felt
over stimulated I desperately needed time to recover. I looked up at him standing with his bunch of
wild flowers. Vicki had put the other
bunches in anything and everything that held water. “I know about the poetry workshop but I’m too
tired, I need time to recover from three orgasms.” “Only three which thirty odd
are going on the workshop then?”
I looked at him hard “The last orgasm lasted nearly an hour and practically
every one was involved.” He looked
downcast at the idea of attending the workshop by himself so I took pity on him
“Come and lie down let me rest my head on your shoulder and cat nap then I can
see what can be done.”
I stretched
then looked around, Simon lay patiently besides me. I felt tender in all sorts of unmentionable
places. He stretched his hand out to
caress me but I blocked him before he stroked my very tender spots. “Lie still on your back and let me sit astride
you. Don’t touch me,
my body is still very tender. About the
only parts that aren’t are my eyes, ears and inside so we need you very aroused
so I can see it in your eyes, hard so you can slip inside me and then I need to
hear your voice. Know any romantic
poetry? Oh and when I say now I’ll be
ready to feel a squirt of sperm inside me.”
I asked mischievously as I opened my bed side drawer and pulled out a
bottle of lubricant. I squirted a bit in
the palm of my hand then proceeded to give him a hand job, just to get him hard
and slippery. I heard Simon’s voice start
“Shall I compare thee to…” I closed my eyes and let Shakespeare’s words work
their magic. I was so carried away I
almost forgot to say now.
Captain
Matthews asked how I’d got my containers to the island so I gave him Sam’s email
address. They worked out some sort of
deal whereby the fishing boat off loaded a few containers each time they came
out to fish. Soon there were fewer
bodies sleeping in the bungalow. The
engineers set up a wire between two hillocks that the fishing boat could
position beneath and using their clever go anywhere fork lift truck the
offloading went quickly as containers flew through the air. Soon they had a model aircraft thingy
patrolling the seas off the island. It
sent back great video pictures of dolphins and seals in real time. I burnt a copy on my lap top DVD burner and
sent it off to the BBC team. They’d
mentioned they needed footage and they had a number of scientists that were
interested in viewing anything they could get their hands on.
It looked like
it was time to get organised so I call up Jennifer. I let her negotiate first with the general,
they settled on $100,000 per person who “visited” the island and second with
Dr. Eiraku to either let New Mercia have a licence to
use his patents or to buy them outright.
She brought them outright for $7,000,000. Thank god for philatelists.
We had a steady
trickle of injured soldiers from the front and one or two civilians as well who
had been acting as translators. I noticed
a difference in the brain pattern compared to the native English speakers so
for the next soldier after Hafizullah I added in the
bit I thought might be the language module.
Well I rationalised I could always put him through again and take it out. Hafizullah was
quite surprised to be understood and replied to in perfect Dari by one of the
English speaking soldiers. So I adjusted
the default settings to just add it in, well if they were going back to
One of my
favourites was Melvyn. The general called and
asked if I could look after some one as an unpaid special favour, oh and it
might be better if it wasn’t an instant cure.
He arrived in his own portable intensive care unit very badly
burnt. The staff who accompanied him
seemed very reluctant to release him to our care. One of them identified herself as both a
nurse and his sister. “We were expecting
a modern hospital not a scrap yard for old containers.” She poured forth indignantly. They separated her from the rest and Captain
Matthews and the others tried to explain old containers or not we were still
her brother’s best chance. Normally we
didn’t like having anyone around other than the soldiers themselves but a sister
well. I looked at Vicki and she looked
at me. I let Vicki do the reassurance
side of things and quietly arranged to move the intensive care unit under the
scanner and after first adjusting the machine to lose 8 kilos I pressed the
button. Well if there was one thing to
distract a sister it would be the thought that her brother had lost weight.
Ten minutes later I drifted into the bungalow’s living room and
suggested “We find that the island’s pure air and simple food often help when
other treatments don’t. Why don’t you
come and see how you brother is at the moment?”
She reluctantly followed me. When
she saw the slumbering form she looked horrified and asked if he’d died. “No I think he’s just asleep.” “But he’s naked.” She dived into her hand bag and brought out a
scull cap which she pinned to his head ignoring the rest of his nakedness. “There he’s respectable now. But where are all the monitors? Shouldn’t he be wired up? What’s happened to all his bandages? His burns will get infected.” “Why don’t you nudge him awake?” She stepped gingerly over and shook his
shoulder gently. “Melvyn, its your sister Rebecca, wake up.” She shook his shoulder once more. There was a yawn “Hi sis, what are doing
here?” “Where does it hurt most?” Melvyn looked puzzled then down at his body. “I think it’s all there, want to count my
toes?” he teased. Rebecca stared hard at
his feet then the rest of him. “Ten toes
but you’ve lost weight.” She looked at
me and I led her away.
“It’s some sort of miracle? He
didn’t have ten toes last time I counted and the scar on his knee has gone?” She questioned. “You just can’t get the staff
these days. It’s the nanobots
they get their own ideas sometimes.” She
looked at me. “I’d best ask no questions
had I and just be thankful whatever it was did
whatever it did.” “I’d like to keep him
here on the island for a month or so then it won’t look like quite so much of a
miracle.”
Melvyn had a holiday relaxing and fishing. Rebecca spent her time dreaming up ways to
get him to put on weight. Even feeding
him bacon and egg sandwiches after she raided the marines bacon supplies for as
she said if she didn’t feed him up he wouldn’t be able to get back to eat
proper kosher food. She shocked the
marines by joining them on target practise with her Tavor
and beating their scores. Eventually she
persuaded me to try. Once she had
converted it to be left handed it seemed to sort of just fit naturally. I got good enough to hit the target
occasionally if some one else put the magazine in for me. It seemed much lighter and more lady-like than
the guns the marines used.
Rebecca handed me a present when she left and told me not to open it
until she’d gone. It was her Tavor in its own gun case all beautifully gift wrapped with
a note saying she hoped I‘d never need it but a girl should always be prepared.
We were getting
good research data but statistically we were getting more information out of
the mice simply because we had more data to process. Vicki thought we might be able to isolate
parts of the brain that dealt with things other than languages but for that we
needed a much bigger sample. “Could we
build another scanner then I could set it up near the battle ground and treat a
much larger number of people? I mean I
am supposed to be an army field nurse after all.” I didn’t really want to do it in case some
one pointed out that we weren’t doctors but when we talked to the general he
thought something might be arranged.
Captain Mathews
was delighted at the chance of fitting up a batch of containers for us though I
had to order the laser cutters directly since the army procurement cycle was a
little lengthy. Soon we were on our way
to
We soon had the
field first aid unit set up. We had talked
through the problems of keeping it all under wraps and eventually it was
suggested that New Mercia showed its support of the troops by opening a small
café serving curries with the help of a team of ten or so CTG Global “catering
staff”. These were all ex-service men
from
Vicki had told
me she’d need three scanner / receiver sets at a minimum with an additional
back up spare set, I hadn’t really believed her but since we had the money and
Captain Matthews I’d gone along with the idea.
We didn’t publicise our services other than the general knew we were
there but some how word got out through the lower levels that if you had an
badly injured soldier the first stop was Field First Aid Unit 27. I hadn’t realised just how many injured men could
come in at once from one fire fight.
When the helicopters arrived we had enough badly injured men to keep all
four units going at once. I mean
fabulous for the data captured but rather a sad to see so many injured. The catering staff were
great. They carried the stretchers in
and onto the scanner tables where Vicki would give them an injection to make
them sleep. Finally they would lift the
sleeping men off the receiver and dress them in their blood stained ripped
uniforms. I can still remember their
cheerful “Wot you doing here, you fit well. Curry next door if you want. We are needing the
stretchers for real sick men so sod off please.” as the patients woke up. We never admitted that we had treated any of
them, well not being medically qualified apart from Vicki we couldn’t really.
One late one evening
we had just sat down to a well deserved truly excellent curry, we’d finished
treating two British female squaddies who had been smuggled
in late at night in the back of a Land Rover by a couple of hospital
orderlies. I hadn’t realised that women
were fighting with the troops but apparently they were attached to patrols so
they could search female suspects. When
I heard the whirl of helicopter blades overhead, quite unusual at night, two
Americans were carried in on stretchers by our catering staff followed by some
guy with pips on his shoulders. “Delta
force, I want to speak to the doctor in charge!” he yelled forcibly. I moved to the controls and started the
scan. Vicky looked up “Would you like to
take seat?” she asked mildly. “They’re
my men and I want the best possible surgeon for them. So find me the lousily doctor now!” He raised a gun threateningly at Vicky. Yes he was over stressed but I wasn’t quite
certain how to deal with him, I certainly didn’t want him messing up my
research by spraying my research project and equipment with stray bullets so I
scooped up Rebecca’s toy and stepped in between them and shone the red dot at
his knee cap.
The entire
catering staff appeared from out of the night carrying an assortment of knives,
shotguns and other weapons. Two rangers
behind the officer also lifted their guns.
Vicki spoke first “She’s a diplomat Major so if a single hair on her
head gets harmed so does your career. If
she takes out your knee cap you’ll have a permanent limp. Oh and she has no weapons training so if she
shoots the recoil will bring the shots up to thigh level and a broken femur is
good for two very unpleasant years in hospital on your back.” A second voice I recognised joined in from
the side. “Todd, Walt, Megan is very special
to me so if you could suggest to your major he lowers his gun I’ll suggest to
the team we lower ours.”
“With respect
Major we don’t want to start shooting our own side so I suggest we just talk
this one through.” “Scared
trooper!” “Yes sir, I am and not
suicidal. Both Todd and myself have been on missions alongside Morgan’s team and they’re
good. Even without Morgan and his team
you’d still be facing at least eight armed Gurkhas.” Their weapons were lowered. “Megan I’m coming from the side don’t touch anything on the gun or move until I take it off
you.” Morgan lifted the gun away and did
something to make it safe.
“When did you
last eat Major?” Vicki’s questioned in a friendly tone. “Your injured troopers won’t harm for being
stabilised for a few minutes you have my word on it.” Morgan’s voice joined
in. The Americans sat down in front of
bowls of steaming hot curry. After the
meal Todd asked to look over Rebecca’s gun.
“I thought I recognised it. You
don’t see them very often, only on some very odd confidential missions.”
Just then Lieutenant
Scribing came ambling out of the night, complete with the guard. He asked the major if everything was
fine. “It will be once the surgeons
arrive.” “Surgeons?
But we’re just a First aid post we don’t even have any doctors here. If your men need surgery there’s a MASH unit
15 minutes flight time north of here.”
Well no one had clued him in and I don’t think any one was intending
to. The major looked at Vicki. “He’s right you know if you’re sure they need
surgery the MASH unit is the place. I’ll
call them right now and prepare them for your visit.” She picked up the phone and dialled the
number. “Hi Jenny its Vicky
at Field First Aid Post 27 here.
I have a Major from Delta force with two men whom he says need urgent surgery. I think he’d like two full operating theatres
with the top doctors already to go when he gets there in 18 minutes. Yes you got it exactly, Vicki Field First Aid
Post 27.” I scrambled away into the
night to get the soldiers bloody uniforms back on them.
As we loaded
the sleeping soldiers back into the helicopter Vicki had a quiet word with the
pilot. “Next time remember you’ll get
them there faster without the extra weight of an escorting officer.” We all waved it good bye as it swooped off
into the night.
Needless to say
when they discovered two uninjured sleeping soldiers on the theatre tables the
Major was in trouble especially as surgeons had been woken and scrubbed up specially. Then we had a visit from the senior staff at
the MASH unit wanting to see what role we had played. Vicki was magnificent she was painting her
nails when the questioned her. “We’re a
combined curry café and Field First Aid unit.
I put a plaster on their grazes and send them back to their units with a
kiss better. We don’t have any equipment
for surgery I mean have a look round so when the Major demanded surgeons and so
forth we passed them up to you. I just
checked their vital signs, they seemed fine to me but I wasn’t going to argue
with the gun pointing Major.” They
raised their eyebrows at this but Vicki just shrugged her shoulders.
They looked but
by that time we’d closed the doors on the containers and just shuffled them
slightly around.
Well things
seemed to be settling down and there were limits to how long I wanted to be
away from my mice so I slipped back to my peaceful island. Well I could publish my mice findings, which
bit of brain did what etc. and in research publishing
is every thing, but humans I couldn’t admit to doing anything with them could
I? Vicki sent me lots of data about what
correlated with what and we even sorted out eyeballs and eye sight. It wasn’t difficult to just average out eyes
then check to see how it worked out in practise.
I’d prepared my
first paper, it just skimmed what I’d been doing and didn’t make it sound too
revolutionary after all there was enough material here for a dozen papers so I
didn’t want to put too much meat in the first one when the satellite phone
rang. My favourite general sounding very
frustrated.
“Let me get this straight everyone knows that
to bring the fighting to a halt you need to solve the political problems. Every one knows what the problems are but
your politicians don’t want to raise the issues because they are too
complicated or might offend some one who makes donations? So you’ve sent me a briefing note and you
want me to make a highly publicised state visit to
I called the
general back “I’ve an idea but I’ll need Morgan and his cooperation. Could you arrange it?” I got hold of Jennifer again and asked her
very nicely to dig around the UN and see what the protocol was and what the
sensitive points were going to be. Then
I looked at how much money New Mercia had piling up in the bank. It looked like I could do this. Three hours later Morgan called me back. “I understand you’re desperate for my body
again.” There were loud bangs in the
background. “Sorry about the background
noise but it’s time for the evening fire fight here.” “Morgan I need more than your body I need an
entire formal body guard of Welshmen for three weeks for a trip to the UN
assembly. Think you can find a few for
me?” “What military types you
mean?” “Yes but they must be
Welsh.” “Right ho love might take me a
day or two but I’ve an idea or two and the general’s ordered me to assist you
so I can’t let him down now can I? I
think I can get them to you by next Wednesday so see you then.”
Morgan turned
up a week later on the beach in a nice shiny plane full of disabled men. “They placed one of these new planes at my
disposal see so when I dropped back to Cardiff to the rehabilitation centre to see what I could dig up for
you like, well it seemed such a shame to leave the seats empty in the
back. So I told the lads we were going
on an outing to a rugby match and asked who wanted to come along. Got you a nice mixed collection of SAS, SBS, SRR,
Royal Marines, Paras, even got a few lads from
Afghanistan Wat-d’-hell Welsh Choir so we can have a
sing song like, and one rugby international forward who recently had a car
accident. Wonderful player he was till
the accident, really going places. Oh and
there were a few Ghurkhas there as well who recognised my name and asked if I
knew anything about you. So I filled up
the back of the aircraft with them.” I
should have guessed they would all need patching up. I explained that I wanted to put on a bit of
a show in
He led me over
to meet the lads. “Oh by the way lads
this is Megan, just imagine she’s a sort of fairy godmother or witch so be good
lads and do as she says.” “Where’s this
International
“You’re almost
done but the last bit of your journey doesn’t quite meet current health and
safety regulations so if you could just sign the releases we’ll get you on the
way.” “Health and bloody safety be
damned let me make my X.” Morgan and I
popped them through the machine then gave them a glass of Scotch to help them
with the shock. We popped the
I had their
measurements from the scanner and sent them off to the General so he could
arrange suitable uniforms for my Welsh body guard. Well what’s the point in being named after a
Welsh great grandmother if you can’t capitalise on it?
We had a few
practise games on the island to sort out who would be the best players for the
team and where they fitted in best.
Finally the uniforms arrived and we were ready. I pre-programmed the machine to lose a few
pounds, and to grow my hair out really long, well I wanted to look my best, and
showed Morgan which button to press. Ten
minutes later there was the new slimmer me ready to do battle and for the first
time I could see clearly without my glasses.
When I think of the problems I have with glasses, in the rain, losing
them, and just trying to keep them clean I could have kicked myself for not
doing it before. I glanced at Morgan and
then the machine. “It will improve your
eye sight you know.” He looked at me
doubtfully then reluctantly climbed onto the scanner. I called Kimberly and asked her to set up a
rugby match and hire a concert hall in
We got dressed
up formally when we reached the airport.
I took one final look at my personal body guard who looked very smart
with their hackles on their caps and their black ribbons at the back of their
necks. A very sceptical security person
looked us over. “I’m sorry but I don’t
have instructions about these passports.”
Bryn handed over a card from his wallet.
“I think this gentleman heads up your security. Just call him and tell him the
We travelled
first class, the flight attendant looked very nervously at my male hulks
whenever she passed and finally we landed in
Jennifer had
briefed me well on the UN and had arranged for me to speak as Head of
State. She also mentioned to me that
whispers of what I had planned were circulating amongst the support staff and
that various briefs and ideas had been accidentally left in her office or
pressed into her hands as she walked the corridors of power but every one was
being very careful not to say a word to the politicians. Journalists had been discreetly briefed that
something unusual might happen.
I was concerned
about costs when I heard that Kimberly had booked the Carnie Hall for the charity
concert and Yankee stadium for the charity
I inspected my bodyguard, they looked perfect in their highly polished
boots and smart green uniforms. Why
soldiers can look perfectly dressed in uniform but ordinary males never come
anywhere near as smartly dressed I’ll never know. Then we set off for the assembly. Morgan chauffeured me in the tiny Haflinger
and the body guard followed in two Pinzgauers that
Kimberly had managed to locate. They were
sort of larger versions of the Haflinger and we turned heads as we drove by.
As my time came
to address the assembly I signed my body guard to go to the translation booths.
I started my
speech, explaining who I was and that although New Mercia was not democratic we
liked to do what we could to reduce conflict in the world and since I was an
absolute ruler I didn’t have to answer to any voters or politicians, which
raise smiles around the room. Then I
switched into Welsh, and spoke of the traditional links between
I continued
with the general’s proposal in English.
I switched into Arabic and put forth the more sensible of the Muslim
ideas, Urdu, French, Mandarin, Hindi, Spanish, Russian, Japanese, German, and
Farsi all followed, all spoken with a perfect accent from the brain patterns of
native speakers that Vicki or I had treated.
The Americans had been very quiet whilst I spoke. “Finally I would like to say how much we
support the American idea of spending 6% of GDP on security.” The Americans sat up. “And to that end I have here a cheque for
that amount made out to UNICEF so that they may continue their programs of
inoculation and education as a long term solution so we may all have a more
secure world to live in.” I sat down to
uproar.
Morgan slid
into the seat behind me. “I wasn’t quite
expecting that. I’m not quite certain
we’ll be able to get you out of here alive from the reactions I’ve seen. You’ve put some important people in a very
awkward situation expressing affordable, sensible, common sense ideas in a way
that will get reported world wide directly in their native languages. I don’t know just who briefed you but I’d say
they’d done their homework very well indeed.
They’ve lost control and they won’t like it. Not only that but a woman expressing herself
in Arabic and Farsi, they won’t like that at all.” I smiled sweetly at him “But I’ve every
confidence in my Welsh body guard.” “By
the way Lloyd and Bradwen are convinced you’re a witch until they tried they
hadn’t realised they could speak so many languages.” They formed up in a close
group around me and eased me towards the exit.
As we moved
down the corridor our way was blocked by an Arab entourage. “Ah Queen Megan and her amazing multi tongued
Welsh Mercenaries. Mercenaries can be
brought I believe, I have need of translators who are so good” He looked
directly at my Welshmen. ”I’ll double whatever she is paying you.”
“Your mistaking
us for soldiers I think your highness.”
One of his body guards nodded to Morgan then spoke into his ear. His highness raised an eyebrow. “But my body guard recognises you as being
extremely efficient solders and I myself have seen Taffy training my
troops. What are you if not soldiers and
mercenaries?” Taffy spoke up from behind
me. “Warriors sir, Soldiers serve in the
armed forces for pay. Warriors don’t get
paid so offering to double or triple our pay means nothing. I think you’ll find we are extremely loyal to
Queen Megan and now if you don’t mind we’ll be on our way.”
Jennifer
arranged a press conference and I fielded questions from journalists in many
languages referring them to the briefing notes that Jennifer had prepared for
me and now handed out copies. The use of
the word warriors had some how got out and been noted and was the source of
many questions.
Kimberly was
ecstatic when she called, she’d upped the price of the rugby match tickets to $300
each, the concert ticket prices were increased as well as suddenly both became
the place to see and be seen. I was
exhausted when we arrived back at Gloria’s home only to be greeted with open
arms. “Your Majesty, I hadn’t realised
just who you were. You do have your
crown and tiara with you for tonight?” I
looked blankly at her. “At least tell me
you have a
That evening I
was on display or rather introduced to everyone who was anyone. The diplomats were fascinated by how many
languages I spoke even Sir Roderick was taken back and laughed when Gloria
introduced him and I slipped into a thick Geordie accent. Well Jennifer did say he’d been born in
Of course the next
day the front pages were full of headlines such as the Warrior Queen steals the
show at the UN Assembly. Kimberly upped
the remaining seats to $500 each and we still sold out.
I arrived at
the game some twenty minutes early after ordering the St. Egbert’s day flowers,
well traditions are so important, and took my seat with Kimberly on one side
and Ivan the international rugby player on the other. We were in amongst the Welsh rugby fans at
the side of the pitch. I was surprised
to see so many empty seats in our section.
The atmosphere was full of anticipation.
“Perhaps I should have arranged a few cheerleaders or something to keep
them entertained before the match.” Queried Kimberly, Ivan snorted.
I had Ivan sat
besides me explaining the game when I heard the whirl of helicopters I
remembered so well from Afghanistan above as two military helicopters came into
view. They hovered overhead, as a stream
of soldiers rappelled down the ropes dangling from the cabin. The crowd were enthralled. Needless to say I recognised the General once
he took his helmet off and took a nearby seat.
“Sorry we’re a bit late but we daren’t risk the traffic. Oh I brought a few interested parties along
to cheer your side on. One or two mentioned
they may drop in later.” Vicki gave me a
wave as she shed her helmet. Then I saw
Captain Simon Matthews stood behind him and my catering staff. I raised an eyebrow, but Jennifer who was sat
behind me leaned forward and whispered in my ear “No need to worry your mice
are fine, the nice BBC film crew are studying the puffins and their biologist
is looking after your white mice.” so I relaxed. Fifteen minutes to go, I was getting nervous
would the team be up to international standards? Would the crowd get bored without cheer
leaders and why were there quite so many empty seats down here at the front
where they were so visible? Especially
after
The sky seemed
to darken, I panicked, was it going to rain?
an eclipse?
I looked up to see a sky full of parachutes, but I didn’t remember
hearing any planes. “Special
forces showing off again.” I
heard the General sigh behind me. He
looked across at me, “I’d heard they were planning something and this part of
the city has a minimum height for aircraft so they’ve basically used
HALO.” I looked blank, “Skydiving if you
like, the plane flies very high then they sky dive until they open their
parachutes.” They landed almost in rippling
wave formation smoke pouring from canisters attached to some of their ankles,
six in a line at one end of the pitch, then a second wave a bit closer to the
middle, and so on. As soon as they
landed they gather in their chutes and ran to the side of the pitch to make
room for more. Eventually when they were
all landed and had taken off their helmets I was astounded to recognise Todd
and Walt amongst the others take their seats behind me. “Hi Queen Megan, the guys thought we’d just
have time to fit in the game before the next push.” “Wouldn’t want to miss a chance to cheer on
members of the Wat-d’-hell Welsh Choir for the world.”
I shook my head
in amazement, they couldn’t really have flown directly
over here for a game of rugby could they?
“They did you know.” Jennifer whispered
in my ear. Sometimes she can read my
mind it can be too embarrassing for words.
Eventually with help from the rugby player besides me I understood a
little about the scoring system, I counted four different ways judging when a
cry would go up “We’ve scored!” “I feel
as if I’m out there on the field myself, the team just plays as if its one
person. It’s quite amazing when you
consider they’ve only been playing together for three weeks and some had never
even played before.” I didn’t like to amaze
him and tell him there were fifteen copies of his memory for playing rugby on
the field. The game just seemed to flow,
there didn’t seem to be any breaks in the play to fit adverts in or anything.